“K Y S” spilled from my son’s lips as he replied to his older sister’s tease.
“Hey, I don’t care how upset she makes you, telling someone, saying it, or spelling Kill Yourself is not ok. Apologize, now!” I raised my voice as I corrected my son’s language.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean it.” He recognized my tone, and a regretful reply followed within seconds.
The thought to help my son understand that K Y S is an inaccurate acronym seemed secondary to the message. Kill yourself is two words, not three. I digress.
Telling someone to die by suicide is the bigger issue. According to recent research, incidents of suicide deaths among Black youth have increased from 8.2% to 11.2%.
In Mississippi, the suspicious death of Demartravion “Trey” Reed is under investigation. The preliminary report declares it a suicide. However, authorities found his body hanging from a tree on the Delta College campus, and Colin Kaepernick has arranged an independent autopsy.
The case carries an eerie resemblance to lynching crimes committed by “the hands of persons unknown” in America.
As a father and advocate for Black self-love through my work with the Umoja Community Education Foundation, the weight of my son’s words weighed heavily on my shoulders. My wife and I have three children, two boys and one girl. I conduct research, write articles, and lead presentations for Umoja to help Black and non-Black students succeed in college.
Join Umoja for their annual conference, November 6-8, at the San Jose Convention Center.
My work and parenting roles demand the best parts of me. Meditating, exercising, and writing often help alleviate some of the mental stressors that accompany working full-time and fathering two teenagers and a pre-teen. Sometimes these self-care activities don’t cut it, but suicide is never an option.
African ancestors endured tragedies that exceed current challenges. Their legacy gives me strength. If stress ever reaches overwhelming levels, the Association of Black Psychologists also offers ample resources, including professional therapists and online courses.
I’m not a perfect parent, but using suicide language in my house is not allowed. Every violator is punished. Despite my children’s insistence, I don’t have favorites.
My daughter is my favorite daughter, and my sons are my favorite sons. Period. Now that it’s in writing, I have evidence.
Suicide is not a joking matter, and I ensure each of my children understands the significance of their words. At Umoja, “Language as Power,” is one of eighteen guiding practices and it encourages recognizing the multiple experiences that shape our students’ vocabulary.
Here are the race, gender, sex, and sexual identity stats regarding suicide among students.
In 2023, 7.4% of Black males in grades 9-12 attempted death by suicide. This survey data also reports that 13.4% of students identifying as Black and female in grades 9-12 attempted suicide.
The numbers significantly increase when accounting for students with transgender and LGBTQ+ identities. Among transgender youth, the data reports a staggering 53.8% of the survey’s responders considered suicide in 2023.
What can we do?
We can start at home. Let’s talk to our children about suicide. Affirm them, teach them their history, and provide evidence of their connection to a powerful heritage of African people.
Don’t only talk about it, be about it.
I frequently share books with my children and, much to their chagrin, ask them to write one-page reflection essays. They protest, but in my house, my wife and I insist. We listen to our children’s suggestions, provide them with food, shelter, clothing, more affection than they desire, extracurricular activities, and enforce boundaries that promote mental health.
In addition to insisting my children speak with kindness toward each other and drop insults like “K Y S”, we require that cellphones get turned in at night to prevent sleepless nights scrolling on social media.
Establish boundaries that you can enforce in your home. Once you figure out what works for your family, move into the community.
Do this!
Contact organizations such as the Association for Black Psychologists, the 988 Lifeline: Black Mental Health, Black Mental Health Alliance, and other organizations with mental health services catering to the Black community.
September is suicide awareness month. Read the stats above again, if you believe suicide doesn’t impact our community. Psychdiscourse has made you aware.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, get help now. Please don’t wait until it is too late. Call the emergency Suicide Crisis and Lifeline number 988.
Share this article with a friend in your network. You never know who needs this message.
Dr. Vernon C. Lindsay, PhD
Dr. Vernon C. Lindsay, PhD is the Umoja Community Education Foundation’s Scholar in Residence. As a former associate professor, he assists the foundation in conducting research, writing articles, developing curricula, and leading professional development sessions through culturally relevant practices and student-centered strategies.
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